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Sis came over to Mint Manor last night to bring me some more Gleemonex, and spend the night. She left this morning with my friends, who are also her friends now I guess, to go shopping in the Village or something.

Which brings me to my deficiencies as a Young Person.

I don't like to go shopping. I don't like to go shopping because I never have any money lately, but even when I am in a financially happy state, I don't like to shop for clothes. Clothes don't tend to look good on me, so I don't tend to like to seek them out. (I do like to shop for yarn and books.)

I hate dancing. I don't do it. Not in public, and only to one song in private. Therefore, I hate clubs, and clubbing, and all manner of things having to do with clubbing. I can't wear the skimpy clothes, I look stupid in makeup, boys don't talk to me, I don't dance, and I can't even enjoy my favourite drinks anymore. (I can have hard liquor, but what's the point of going out to sit alone drunk at a bar while everyone dances?)

Related to this hatred of clubs, I also hate parties. I hate being in a place full of people I don't know, or barely know. I hate loud music that I can't sing along to, which is most music. I hate my social awkwardness with strangers, and I hate, above all things, small talk. (Nobody read anything personal into this, because I love going to parties of people I love if it makes them happy, especially if they have nice friends, which they do.)

I don't mind bars, but again, the fun-drinks thing is a problem, as is the money thing. There's only so far sitting with a drink can take me in terms of fun.

And this seems to exhaust the whole "going out" thing, which is supposed to be a big part of being a Young Person. Unless you want to go neon bowling, which I love, but Young People tend to sneer at.

I also hate conventions, which excludes me from Doing Things with even Young Nerds, who, theoretically, are my people.

What else do Young People like to do? I wouldn't know. I like museums and bookstores, and yarn shops and libraries, and button stores and craft stores. I like looking at puppies in pet-shop windows and watching people walk their dogs in the park. I like musical theatre. I like well-done improv and other forms of comedy, and gay piano bars. But most of all, I like sitting at home watching tv and knitting, or reading, or doing my crossword, or surfing the internet. This is a problem. This makes me both an Old Person at 24, and a shut-in. I understand and I also understand and appreciate my friends' efforts to get me to go out. But there is so little I want to do out there.

Part of this, you understand, comes from my history of depression and agoraphobia, residues of which make it difficult to leave the home base when I get comfy in it, even if I want to go out. But I fight it daily, I make the effort, I conquer it more frequently than I don't.

But aside from that, what I'm thinking is that what I really am is old. And yesterday I discovered a new patch of grey hairs-- near the front of my head-- to prove it. There's like five or six of those bastards in there.

Anyway, I feel guilty that I don't like to go out and do things, so if anyone can think of things in this great city that I would enjoy doing, maybe my friends can make me do those things.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 5:59 PM | shower me with attention