tavie.com

My girls are together now. This is the email I wrote to some friends that I want to record here to have later.
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We took Lily to the vet this morning and they gave her a shot to make her sleep. She was already asleep so all it did was help her stay out of pain. She had been unsteady on her feet all week and last night she had fell off the couch onto the floor and couldn't make it to the litterbox. I knew last night that she was going to go soon. I put the space heater near her on the couch because she's very little and always cold, and I took the back cushions off the couch so I could lie next to her, and I stayed with her while she slept until 3:30 am when she tried to get up and couldn't. Then I was very scared but I waited until she fell asleep and then I went to bed and slept for a few hours and then in the morning I warmed up her favourite grey flannel blanket and I wrapped her up in it and my mom and I took a cab to the Humane Society Hospital and we waited in the freezing cold reception area-- that poor receptionist has to work in gloves and a scarf-- but she was wrapped up warm and she was asleep. She wasn't feeling anything at all, I don't think. I think she'd been slipping since last night and was peaceful even then.

The hardest part was waiting for them to find her vein because she was getting almost no blood flow to her back legs and her veins were very tiny. He had to shave all four of her legs before he found it. I stayed with her in the room. Kirsten didn't come with us because it was too hard. Kirsten and Lily had the strongest bond I've ever seen between a human and a cat and Kirsten was very brave and said goodbye in the apartment.

It was easier than Rosie because I knew I wasn't coming home with her. I didn't bring that hateful cat carrier, I never want to see it again, I'm going to find a donation dropoff place for pets and give the giant bag of kitty litter we just bought, and the hateful cat carrier, and Riley can have her treats or else we'll donate those too.

She was a sweet little pixie who was kittenish until the last few months, after Rosie went, and then she aged very rapidly. She was very very smart and I think she was waiting until the last of the Thanksgiving carcass was picked before she made her grand exit. She's always loved people food more than anything. She used to put her paw on your arm to make you pet her. That was my favourite thing that she did.

Her full name was Patchwork Lily because I was seven when I named her and she looked like a patchwork quilt. She had a cold little nose and she liked to snuggle in my armpit and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation with me. I think she made a wise move and decided to move on before she could see what character they'll be killing off in Star Trek: Nemesis. Turkey and Star Trek. Her timing was very good. This is my theory, anyway.

Last night the episode of M*A*S*H called, "Rainbow Bridge" was on. I realized that in the waiting room because it's also the name of a famous poem dealing with pet loss. I made the connection in the waiting room and the connection relaxed me because I find signs like that very comforting even if they're not really signs but only coincidences. To me it was a sign.

I love my little girl and now she's with her sister and I'm with my sister and it'll be okay.

Why are you in Tavie's head? 11:45 AM | shower me with attention