To answer Kitana, though she already knows what I did yesterday as we had a nice long chat last night, I will talk about my day yesterday.
I wish that I could have slept through most of it and I don't begrudge the people that did, but I had to work. Just like last year...even as it was happening and I would stop and go to the window and watch what was happening and then go back to work...like my work was keeping me sane, it was holding me together, had to work, had to finish payroll, people may be dying right across that river, my favorite buildings may be crashing to the ground, but I got to make sure my fellow employees get paid. Got to. Got to keep going.
Drove past the skyline and looked at the ever growing homemade memorial, someone added a poster of the men raising the flag, someone else tied what looked like twenty metalic red, white and blue balloons, another added a firemans t-shirt, more signs, more flowers, more flags, more reminders, I don't need a rememberance day, I need a forget for just once day day. The wind was so hard yesterday that the flags were whipping in the wind and it seemed somehow very appropriate, very fierce.
Turned on the radio at work as I do every morning, I had it on low and was not really listening, but when it went silent I jerked up straight in my chair like someone had slapped me. They then replayed the show from last year and I had to stop listening.
I have a cold and so I fought my cold and my emotions all day, till I could not stand the headache and stuffiness and gave up and went home around three. I turned the TV on around five and sat and watched coverage, the exact opposite of what I was going to do, but I found I needed to and I think it was best that I did. Everytime the phone rang, I turned down the TV like a guilty child in case it was Tavie. Spoke to Cheryl and then to my sister, each calling to check up on me.
I lit my candles and went to set them outside when the cat decided for the first time in well over a year to shoot out the door and out onto the sidewalk, causing me to spill hot red wax all over my left hand (I had lit the candles early in an attempt to have them burn lower into the glass so the wind would not blow them out. Once out he walked just fast enough to evade my attempts to grab him, but then he made the mistake of going up to the back fence and he was trapped...little shit...here I was, sick and chasing this stupid cat while hot wax was hardening on my hand. After throwing him back in the house I sat on the steps and looked at the stars and moon and watched all the planes zig zagging through the clear sky. That was a relief, nothing bad had happened today and the planes were still doing their thing. It was quiet and peaceful and I just sat thinking about everything that had happened, everything that had changed.
Watched a couple of documentaries that made me cry and made me wonder at the strength of these people and then had my talk with Kitana, that started out sad and bitter, but ended up happy and hopeful of good thing that are going to happen.
So there you go, that was my day.
I wish that I could have slept through most of it and I don't begrudge the people that did, but I had to work. Just like last year...even as it was happening and I would stop and go to the window and watch what was happening and then go back to work...like my work was keeping me sane, it was holding me together, had to work, had to finish payroll, people may be dying right across that river, my favorite buildings may be crashing to the ground, but I got to make sure my fellow employees get paid. Got to. Got to keep going.
Drove past the skyline and looked at the ever growing homemade memorial, someone added a poster of the men raising the flag, someone else tied what looked like twenty metalic red, white and blue balloons, another added a firemans t-shirt, more signs, more flowers, more flags, more reminders, I don't need a rememberance day, I need a forget for just once day day. The wind was so hard yesterday that the flags were whipping in the wind and it seemed somehow very appropriate, very fierce.
Turned on the radio at work as I do every morning, I had it on low and was not really listening, but when it went silent I jerked up straight in my chair like someone had slapped me. They then replayed the show from last year and I had to stop listening.
I have a cold and so I fought my cold and my emotions all day, till I could not stand the headache and stuffiness and gave up and went home around three. I turned the TV on around five and sat and watched coverage, the exact opposite of what I was going to do, but I found I needed to and I think it was best that I did. Everytime the phone rang, I turned down the TV like a guilty child in case it was Tavie. Spoke to Cheryl and then to my sister, each calling to check up on me.
I lit my candles and went to set them outside when the cat decided for the first time in well over a year to shoot out the door and out onto the sidewalk, causing me to spill hot red wax all over my left hand (I had lit the candles early in an attempt to have them burn lower into the glass so the wind would not blow them out. Once out he walked just fast enough to evade my attempts to grab him, but then he made the mistake of going up to the back fence and he was trapped...little shit...here I was, sick and chasing this stupid cat while hot wax was hardening on my hand. After throwing him back in the house I sat on the steps and looked at the stars and moon and watched all the planes zig zagging through the clear sky. That was a relief, nothing bad had happened today and the planes were still doing their thing. It was quiet and peaceful and I just sat thinking about everything that had happened, everything that had changed.
Watched a couple of documentaries that made me cry and made me wonder at the strength of these people and then had my talk with Kitana, that started out sad and bitter, but ended up happy and hopeful of good thing that are going to happen.
So there you go, that was my day.