I'm sorry to my friends who were making an effort to help me celebrate last night although the plans were sidelined by my mini-breakdown. I just knew that it would not be the happy fun time I wanted/needed it to be.

I don't feel comfortable divulging much information about why yesterday stomped the hell out of me but when I am able, I will blog about the man for whom I worked and how priviledged I feel to have done so. But, emotionally, yesterday was surreal. Just before noon, we received horrible news. There was a brief halt as scattered groups of people absorbed the news and then business as usual for the rest of the day (with the exception of the occasional teared-up interaction). Later on in the day, I mentioned this observation to my supervisor and she told me stories about the work-horse this man was, how he would and did work through absolutely everything (not out of callousness but out of necessity and as a way of dealing). I didn't realize that going on with the day as though nothing had happened was exactly what he would have wanted and was a wonderful tribute to him.

I think I am also reacting more harshly than I may have normally if I hadn't already been feeling emotionally immunosuppressed. Mush is finally due to come back home in a few days after being away for almost 4 weeks dealing with the death of his father. He says he is "OK" but I can tell just by talking to him on the phone that he is isn't (and how can he be?).

Pretty soon, I'll be able to deal/help with these issues better. I haven't been very good at behaving like myself lately but the light at the end of this tunnel is getting brighter.
a bad case of verbal diarrhea from Cheryl 12:22